Sobriety Doesn’t Have a Finish Line

My 40th year in review

The greatest gift I gave myself this year was compassion. Regarding Sober Truths, the tenacious part of me is disappointed I didn’t stick to a timeline before my big birthday milestone. The bright side of me sees it as a sign that I’m still learning and growing. And both sides have so much more to say.

I am acutely aware that structure isn’t always my strong suit. At work, I’m supported with processes and an amazing team who complements my strengths with their own. Working on Sober Truths alone has given me even greater appreciation for the sum of our parts. (It’s also given me a lot of anxiety and frustration, to say the quiet part out loud.)

In 2025, I am resolved to give my writing process some much-needed love, attention and organization. Meanwhile, a stack of thoughts to end the year.

5 things I learned in 2024:

1. My “rough edges” are part of me. They aren’t meant to be polished away. They are the parts of me that make life interesting. My quirks aren’t going anywhere. Without these parts, I don’t know who I’d even be. So I have a newfound sense of confidence, knowing that my past is part of my strength now. And it’s helping me turn off old voices in my head that are no longer reasonable.

   Recognizing some of my self sabotage and where it comes from has helped me accept myself more, be kinder to myself, and be more realistic about my boundaries and basic needs.

2. Being understood isn’t as important to me as it used to be. As long as I communicate the best I can, it’s not on me for other people to understand my motivations, triggers, etc. It’s not possible for someone to understand me at a deeper level than they understand their own self, for one thing. I spent my whole life trying to be understood - what a terribly lonely endeavor.

3. I can’t outsmart emotional regulation. Neurodivergence may be a hot trend on social media, but in reality, it is incredibly isolating most of the time. I get overstimulated, anxious and depressed in situations where others feel joy. I seek purpose and pattern to my own detriment and I overthink everything. ADHD is exhausting. The idea that my firehouse-fashioned brain is in “deficit” deserves a chuckle.

   I’m not as kind and compassionate as I’d like to be with others. I lose patience, get frustrated and upset easily. Plenty of self growth left to do in the next forty years… Still, I can see myself as the best version of me, instead of a bad version of someone else’s normal.

4. I’m allowed to be proud of the version of myself that I am right now. The sober truth is that growing and learning goes on forever. Meanwhile, I can love this version of me now. Having goals and becoming a better person over time does not mean you can’t be happy and proud of who you are today, and all of the progress you’ve made to get here.

5. Every thought doesn’t deserve a platform. It is normal to have feelings and opinions, and to express them. To what extent? Social media has become a garbage dump for every last thought out there, but it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s okay to have a thought in your head and let it go sometimes. In my case, I’d like to do that more often. Say what I came to say and be done with it. If those other, after thoughts are important, they’ll be back again.

Maybe some will make it to my list of 2024’s biggest surprises. ‘til then…

Happy New Year!